Vulnerability: Our Best Measure of Courage

Authenticity. Vulnerability. Resilience. I believe these are the pillars of leadership at work, that they’re deeply important to our lives today, and that they’re inextricably interconnected. If we want to lead, or if we want lead fully realized lives, we have to embrace these concepts.

“WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WERE NOT AFRAID?”

It’s a powerful question. I’m grateful that Casey Gerald asked it of us at his SXSW keynote. It could’ve fit as easily with my thoughts on authenticity as here, so it’s a good place to start; to link authenticity to vulnerability. Because you have to be OK with being vulnerable, with taking a chance, in order to be real. You have to not be afraid of the risk involved in being real; in doing what you truly desire.

What would you do if you were not afraid? If you weren’t afraid of what you might lose, of what people might think, of whether you’ll fail. Risking those things is kind of the essence of being vulnerable. So…if you could be vulnerable, what would you do?

“What would you do if you were not afraid?”
- Casey Gerald

ARE YOU AFRAID TO LET PEOPLE SEE?

Many of us were raised with an expectation to go out into the world and get stuff done and not let people see – not let them see that we struggle or fail.

But this model doesn’t work. When we’re so focused on making sure no one sees that we struggle or fail or hurt, we can’t allow ourselves to know what we would do if we were not afraid. And by setting this example for others, we’re playing in to a cycle I’m sure many of us would like to break. At work, if we present ourselves as being infallible to our direct reports or even our colleagues, we’re setting a false bar to live up to. Practicing this model for life, we find ourselves aiming to meet a bar that no one can meet; and discrediting ourselves for falling short of the impossible.

Renowned speaker Brené  Brown talked to SXSW about the time she was asked if she was nervous for a speech. Her response: "Nervous? Yes I'm nervous. It's disrespectful to not be nervous. This is people's time." She let us see. And she wasn’t afraid. Casey Gerald shared that, in the moments leading up to hisHarvard commencement speech, he basically fell apart and came back together. Every time he tells this story, he’s letting people see.

Wow, was this a revelation for me.

They let people see. They acknowledged their struggle – to themselves and to us. And people respected them even more for it; trusted them even more; were even more open to learning from them.

DO YOU CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK?

Just as so many of us are raised to not let people see, we’re often told to not care what people think.

Caring what people think is part of what allows us to be vulnerable, or even connected, which is of course important in life but it’s also imperative in today’s collaborative workplaces. The key, Brené Brown says, is to not be defined by what people think. Instead, decide who should be on your short list of opinions that matter. Go to them, care what they think. Hear the others, but don’t be defined by any of them.

Back to the above example, Casey and Brené could admit their nerves and fears because they knew they wouldn’t be defined by what people might think of them if they said what was real, and in turn they inspired and equipped me and who knows how many others to go out into the world and be authentic and vulnerable.

“Vulnerability is not weakness. It is our most accurate measure of courage.”
- Brené Brown

LIVING AND WORKING...VULNERABLY

In her keynote, Brené Brown told us that, “Vulnerability is not weakness. It is our most accurate measure of courage.”

That’s a transformative idea. The very act of writing this piece feels like an exercise in authenticity and vulnerability. And who knows…perhaps it will fall flat and become an exercise in resilience as well. (Good thing I’ll be writing about that next.) Still, I’m excited about exploring ways to bake vulnerability into how I live and work.

Imagine how your family, or your office, or your inner life could be changed by finding ways to embrace vulnerability.

Thanks for reading! Want to learn more?

WATCH: Case Gerald’s TED Talk and Brené Brown’s TED Talks

READ: Daring Greatly by Brené Brown

LISTEN:Casey Gerald on the Creative Mornings podcast